Accept Failure? Not An Option!

Right now I am at a point where this is the advice that I keep getting from people:

You should be proud of everything you’ve already done, you should learn to accept that you are a success in your own way and just because you aren’t famous doesn’t mean you haven’t done something wonderful and aren’t talented.

Yeah, hold the phone there everyone who has ever said this to a writer. The thing is that my definition of success, the one that I hold true in my heart, is a definition of actual success. Not personal milestones. Not pats on the back from two to three friends or family members but real, tangible, measurable success. I’m not saying I’d have to be making millions or known world wide (it would be nice but I’m still not talking about that). I’m talking about having a career in which writing is the only thing I do and is what can sustain me.

If I never reach my own definition of success then I am a failure. I know people say not to think that way. I also know people will tell you that’s not true. Well, either they are lying to me or they have a very different definition of success than I do. Honestly, more than anything, it feel like people are nicely trying to tell me I suck but I should be happy with what I got because I’m not getting anymore. It feels like everyone who says that is trying to tell me to accept the fact that I am a failure and just be okay with where I am now because I’ve allegedly done a lot of work. That it’s something to be proud of.

I’m not saying I have no pride in my work. I’m not saying that I don’t feel accomplished. I’m not saying that I ignore the actual success of completing not just one but six novels. It’s just not the amount of success I want or the definition of success that I have given to myself. I think that success and failure as words are just as relative as the world normal. Though success and failure can be objectively measured, there are different types of success and failure. Different levels.

For example:

If I only ever was a cult hit author with maybe a hundred thousand followers, to me, that would still be successful because it would mean that I’d be making a living off of my writing even if it was a meager one. To others, that would not be enough and still mean failure because they aren’t famous, aren’t rich, aren’t winning awards. To some people, failure is where I am at now because of this. To other people, just finishing and self publishing one book is a success.

I’m not here to tell anyone their definition of success or failure is wrong. I am here to say that personally, to me, I am not successful. I have done nothing of note and my life will be meaningless if I never achieve that status. The older I get, the more I’m painfully aware that I will never get my way on this. That I have wasted my life and sacrificed everything else for nothing. I ave given up on the idea of true love, marriage, kids, a family….because I want nothing else. I want nothing other than to be a success in writing. I have given up so much, worked so hard, and tried to a point where it’s painful and nothing is happening.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the followers I do have, or the meager reads and reviews I rarely get on Amazon but this isn’t success. This is not my version of success. I will never ever feel like I’ve succeeded until I can make a living off of my writing. Since that will also never happen I’m feeling like I’m pretty much doomed to live the crazy spinster life, becoming more and more bitter until I die alone at 80 and my cats eat my face. My work getting notice after I’m dead (if it even does because I also doubt that as a possibility) would mean nothing anyway. To anyone. Especially not me because I’d be dead.

I already wrote about how I’m in the wrong city and walk of life to be successful and how that will never change. It will never get better. I don’t have the ability to move to a better city to get noticed or to network. I don’t have the money to travel or relocate. I never will. My chances of ever being a famous writer in the way I want stand at 0% and they always will. Give me one good reason to even keep trying if this is the case. So, feel free to look at me, and judge me with your personal definition of success, but it is not my own. I am and probably always will be a failure.

Published by naudyvalentine

Romance and erotica author, horror and BDSM enthusiast, I write, live, and breathe variety as it is the spice of life.

2 thoughts on “Accept Failure? Not An Option!

  1. While you have a point, I would also say that you should still try regardless, not because we harbour a secret dream of becoming Sisyphus, but because when it comes to the craft, it’s all about who we become rather than the accolades we receive.

    But then again, success means different things to different people. I myself wouldn’t mind being an Emily Dickens, being discovered only after her death, as long as my writing has the ability to affect people long after I’m gone. Anyway, wishing you all the best!


  2. In my humble opinion, talent is not necessarily a guarantee that one will become monetarily successful or become known for being tops in a given field.

    No more obvious venue exists where this is the case than in the music industry. For a lover of many genres of music, I am constantly amazed how many very talented singers/songwriters are completely overlooked, while mediocre “talent” gets noticed to where they end up selling millions of songs. That is not to say that sometimes talent does not rise to the top, it does. However, it is a combination of factors that gets them there – their talent, advertising, who they know, and sometimes, just dumb luck.

    For me, a monetary benefit in what I write has never been my goal. Nor is being read by countless thousands of readers. Of course, we would all like to write and get accolades for what we write from someone. Or possibly, even constructive criticism from someone interested enough in what we have written to comment on it.

    When I write, I generally envision just one or two people who I know personally reading what I have written. If I can influence or give enjoyment to those one or two people, I’m happy. That is my measurement of success.

    These days, even more important than talent is marketing, if your goal is to become rich and famous. So, if you are not reaching your goal as a writer, it does not reflect negatively on you as far as your talent and ability, but rather in your ability or others’ ability, the surrogates you have chosen, to market your wares.

    Liked by 1 person

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