Within the realm of BDSM there is a separate subculture called “edge play”. The reason it is referred to this as such is because of the fact that it borders on the edge of what is safe, sane, and consensual. This is where you will find the more crazy fetish type stuff. Things that are pushed to their extremes. In a lot of ways this practice could be described as consensual but not very sane or safe, sometimes bordering on dangerous. Edge play is where you’ll find fetishes that deal with knives, needles, blood, choking, whips and chains, and heavy sadomasochism. A place where you’ll find actual pet play (puppies and kittens) and even the lesser heard of pony play concept. You’ll find the “littles” who are adults who act like children and want to be taken care of. It’s a place where you’ll find the “gross” and “weird” fetishes (and I use those terms loosely because I don’t really tend to judge any for almost anything). I only draw the line at illegal activity. That’s a full stop for me. Anything between consenting and rational adults behind closed doors is really not my concern otherwise.
I can’t exactly explain how I got into it other than curiosity. It wasn’t as if I woke up one day, googled the term “edge play” and jumped right in. It was very different from that. I was interested in regular BDSM and had been for years. I soon found out there was a meetup in my area for new people to the lifestyle to learn more about it and meet people in the community so that’s what I went to first. In the course of the meeting I networked and chatted with people there and was told about a club which was invite only. When they explained what this part of BDSM was I was certainly interested. Maybe it’s because I’ve always been intrigued by all aspects of human sexuality, I’m open minded, and I’m willing to try almost anything once (as long as it’s not illegal, fucked up, or completely dangerous). This sounded about crazy enough that I also wanted to do it. After getting my invitation to this place I went home and read more about it.
One weekend I went to the club to check it out and see what it was all about. Upon entering you have to sign a non-disclosure agreement that basically just says that you won’t expose the personal information of anyone you see there. If you recognize someone or know their name, learn their name, or become friendly with them outside of the club you agree to not expose they are a member of the club. Which was fine by me. There was a main area for chatting and lounging and there was a public dungeon. From that point I ended up talking to dominants and submissives and finding my place within the world of edge play which happened to be as a dominatrix. I loved it. The process was kind of slow and there was a lot to learn. This is not a practice that you can just jump into and understand completely in one or two sessions. This is something that you have to read up on, quite literally practice to be safe, and engage in regularly to make sure that you stay safe. Yes, there are extreme aspects to it but that doesn’t mean people don’t take precautions in order to make sure no one gets hurt.
As a dominant you have to learn to read your submissive (sometimes called pet or even little if you are into that) and you are in control. You need to learn their limits and when they may try to push them even when it’s a bad idea, so you can stop it. This isn’t a situation as is described in that terrible book 50 Shades Of Grey (which is way more a manual on how to abuse a woman and trick her into thinking it’s BDSM than actual BDSM). This is a situation of people entering into a mutual agreement to enjoy their fetishes and kinks in a consensual manner even if it might get relatively extreme. My specialty as a dominatrix when I did have clients was cock and ball torture, humiliation, degradation, financial domination, pegging, and forced feminization. I had a list of clients that I saw who were word of mouth only. As in, from the first man that I had serve me he found me others, and because I worked out of a club and networked it wasn’t hard to find other men who were interested in the same services. I was discrete about it and never advertised or claimed anything publicly but I had fun and I made good money off of it. I never had actual sex for money (not that I’m against anyone who does this) but all of my clients were way more into taking abuse and not getting off than having actual sex. I know it sounds like a thing that isn’t true but if it sounds fake then you really don’t understand the concept of BDSM in general and especially not edge play.
Over time, I lost the ability to entertain clients in such a fashion (for several personal reasons that I don’t want to get into). I do miss the lifestyle and I do miss having men around to serve me. I decided to turn this whole thing into writing stories. Though I do mainly write male dominants, it’s all channeled from my own experience as a dominatrix. I’m not entirely a dominant in any case, I’m a switch I just tend to be more on the dominant side. I have taken the submissive role once or twice but I also have trust issues so I’m not just willing to jump in bed with anyone and I much prefer to have control than give it away to someone else. I also have issues with being restrained if I don’t completely trust someone due to a former abusive relationship but I am not opposed to taking on the role if I meet the right person. These thoughts get written down into stories and fantasies because it’s something I desire and have experience with but haven’t found yet. On occasion I will write a female dominant but that seems to be less appealing to the masses than working with a male dominant, and since I like the concept of an alpha male taking control of a submissive female this isn’t even a complaint on my part.
After the entire train wreck that was 50 Shades of Grey I decided there were a few things I could do about it. Either I could bitch and moan about how that whole series is a blemish on the ass of the BDSM universe or I could start putting out my own material. More accurate material, in an aim to attempt to correct what level of damage that book had done. Unfortunately, I think at times I am too realistic or I get too deep into the realm of edge play (and a lot of concepts the mainstream audience is not ready to accept) so I struggle to find a following and maintain it. In any case, this is what lead me to writing what I write and why. My stories aren’t just pure smut without plot. Actually it’s to the contrary. I love a good plot, I love character development, and I love angst/drama and thriller elements. I aim to combine all of my own knowledge of BDSM as well as the horror/thriller and sci-fi genres to create a mixture of erotic pleasure that is great sexually and intellectually. I hope that people will eventually give me the chance to show them that smut doesn’t just have to be mindless and good stories can include a bunch of smut without detracting from the plot. Won’t you join me and give me the chance to show you how enjoyable it can be?